


Never Mine

by novanekoma



Series: Teenage Love [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Longing, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27000160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novanekoma/pseuds/novanekoma
Summary: "Were you happy?""As I could be"All she ever wanted was him.When she finally had him, it was everything she could have dreamed of.Until she realized, he wasn't ever really hers to begin with.[Songfic to August by Taylor Swift]kuroo x fem!reader
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Character(s), Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Series: Teenage Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940701
Kudos: 35





	Never Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu or the song used in this fic, all rights go to their respective owners! 
> 
> Warnings: cheating, implied suggestive themes, nothing too serious tho
> 
> And part 2 is finally here! I've been feeling really angsty today and this came from it. 
> 
> crossposted on Tumblr
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

_“All I wanted was him, to be with him, to be his.”_

_“I fooled myself, thinking I just needed to get him away from her.”_

_“But once I had him, I knew from the start he would never truly be mine.”_

* * *

**_Salt air  
And the rust on your door  
I never needed anything more  
Whispers  
Of "Are you sure?"  
"Never have I ever before"_ **

She never wanted to be the other woman, she never wanted to be the one to steal someone else’s love. But as Kuroo kissed her in the back of his car, fingers tangling into her hair, she found she didn’t care so much anymore. All she could feel was euphoria as her fingers wrapped around his neck, pressing herself closer, bodies tangling as she allowed herself to get lost in his intoxicating taste, into everything she had ever wanted.

Of course you were in the back of her mind, when all this started she knew who you were, she knew who you were to _him_ , but as she fell deeper, the more she didn’t care. For a short period of time, she got to call him hers, she had a little piece of the man who always had her heart. She craved those late summer nights, where it was just the two of them, her and Kuroo, dancing in the moonlight and kissing under the stars.

Honestly, she really didn’t remember how any of this started. Summer was approaching and she fully intended on keeping her feelings to herself, maybe finding someone new to get over him. But then, she heard you two had gotten into a fight and there he was, walking home one night without you and without Kenma.

The rest was history.

**_But I can see us  
Lost in the memory  
August slipped away into a moment in time  
'Cause it was never mine  
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets  
August sipped away  
Like a bottle of wine  
'Cause you were never mine_ **

This summer had been the best one, right before their third year. You had gone away for the last month of summer to visit some family back in Miyagi, and she had heard the rumours, she knew you and Kuroo were still together, you still got to call him yours, and he you, but she also heard that you were taking a break during this final month apart. Taking a break, she had scoffed when she heard that, you may as well have broken up. And when she saw him standing alone, _vulnerable_ , and walking down that cobblestone street, she took a leap of faith. 

**_Your back  
Beneath the sun  
Wishing I could write my name on it  
Will you call when you're back at school?  
I remember thinking I had you_ **

Lazy days in the park were her favourite. She would pack a lunch and a blanket and Kuroo would find the perfect spot away from prying eyes and they would lay together in the afternoon sun. Never usually talking, and she was oblivious to the faraway look in his eyes, after all she was the one who sat between his legs, laying against his chest, his arms were wrapped around her waist, as she listened to his heartbeat. His attention was on her, wasn’t it? What more could she ask for? She was the one stealing kisses from him and entwining their fingers whenever she had the chance.

In this moment, he was hers.

“Kuroo?”

Hazel eyes turned from looking at the horizon and towards her instead, she moved to straddle his waist, arms moving to wrap around his neck and tangle into the familiar bed headed mess of black hair. A light hum of acknowledgement came from him, she ignored the hesitant way his arms wrapped around her, focusing only on the warmth it was providing her.

“Are you happy?” she would ask, fingers playing with the locks tangled in her fingers. Her eyes bore into his, studying his face, every movement, how his lips turned into a small smile, hazel eyes only briefly meeting hers before tugging her closer, lips pressing against hers as she smiled into his kisses, her question always completely forgotten as she lost herself in Kuroo.

**_But I can see us  
Lost in the memory  
August slipped away into a moment in time  
'Cause it was never mine  
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets  
August sipped away  
Like a bottle of wine  
'Cause you were never mine_ **

The last time she and Kuroo were together, they were laying in her bed. She was in her usual place on his chest as a movie played in the background on her laptop. His hand lay on his chest, with hers perched on top. Fingers almost intertwined, and she was content. Lost in her thoughts of the coming year, of more moments spent together like this, she ignored the little voice in the back of her head, ignoring the way Kuroo took his hand out from hers and placed it behind his head.

She rolled on top of him, hands cupping his cheeks as she brought him in for another kiss. Feeling the euphoria she always felt when she touched him, feelings his lips move against hers, the small sigh that escaped him when she shifted on top of him for better access. Her tongue running against his lips, asking for more access, she wanted more of him, as much as she could get her hands on. She wouldn’t let him slip through her fingers.

As August bled into September, she should have known it was too good to be true.

 **_Back when we were still changing for the better  
Wanting was enough  
For me, it was enough  
To live for the hope of it all  
Cancel plans just in case you'd call  
And say "Meet me behind the mall"  
So much for summer love, and saying "Us"  
'Cause you weren't mine to lose  
You weren't mine to lose  
No_ ** ****

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

An answering sigh was all she gave as her friend glared through the phone screen.

“I have him right where I want him,” she replied, her friend groaned in exasperation.

“Has he called yet?”

Silence.

“Come on, you’ve been cancelling on me for days now, and he still hasn’t called you.”

She didn’t answer right away, swiping from facetime so she could check her messages, a small frown tugging on her features when she pressed on Kuroo’s conversation and didn’t see any new messages.

“See,” her friend grumbled when she came back to facetime, “This isn’t healthy.”

“It’s the first week of school, he’s busy with prep, we’re third years now,” she said, it sounded like a plausible excuse.

Her friend sighed, green eyes studying, “You know, y/n is coming back this week too. I heard from Inari.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, of course you would be coming back, you were a third year as well. She heard you had been tangled up with something back in Miyagi and would be coming back a few days after the semester started.

Narrowed eyes studied her, “Does y/n know?”

“He’s mine, there’s nothing she needs to concern herself with.” Her tone lacked the confidence of her words.

Another frustrated sigh from her friend, “You do know they didn’t actually break up.”

The hope she had building in her chest was still strong, “They will,” she said confidently, continuing to ignore the little doubt that was bubbling in the pit of her stomach, she knew that whether or not Kuroo was texting her, he was still hers, and it wouldn’t be her heart that was broken.

Right?

**_But I can see us  
Lost in the memory  
August slipped away into a moment in time  
'Cause it was never mine  
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets  
August sipped away  
Like a bottle of wine  
'Cause you were never mine, mine_ **

She should have known better, the minute you came back it was truly over.

She watched as you walked the hallways with your friends, she still hadn’t seen you and Kuroo together, and there was nothing flittering around the rumour mill. But she knew that wasn’t something that would last, your friend, Inari, would glare at her every time she saw her and would immediately steer you in another direction.

She knew. Of course she knew, everyone did, and it wouldn’t be too long until you did too.

She saw Kuroo around the hallways as well, hazel eyes never quite catching hers as he walked by. Her heart constricted as she watched him, his eyes were always glued to your back, always finding your form no matter how far apart the two of you were. His face would flush whenever he saw you, a forlorn look in his eyes as a smile would always tug on his features.

He looked at you like you were the world.

She supposes though, that to him, that’s exactly what you were.

It was never going to be her.

**_'Cause you were never mine  
Never mine  
Do you remember?  
Remember when I pulled up  
And said "Get in the car"  
And then canceled my plans  
Just in case you'd call  
Back when I was living for the hope of it all  
For the hope of it all  
"Meet me behind the mall"_ **

It wasn’t until a week later that she heard the news of the breakup.

Kuroo permanently had this lost puppy look on his expression, and it worsened every time he saw you. And you, well you didn’t look any better. The happy smiles during your first week back were now few and far between and you avoided Kuroo like the plague. She heard you even switched homerooms.

She also heard from some classmates that you were throwing a party, all third years were invited, and she wondered if that included her and Kuroo. Maybe this was the opening she needed, she and him would be the outcasts, the only ones not invited.

That was until she got the invite, and the rumour mill spilled that Kuroo received one too. 

Her heart ached, the party wasn’t for another few weeks, but it was only one week until Kuroo decided to call her.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was scratchy, like maybe he had been crying. His usual crazy bedhead seemed flat, dark circles were prominent under his eyes and the usual bright and mischief filled eyes were dull, it almost made her want to cry with how hollow they seemed.

She sighed, “I’m sorry too,” she murmured. At the end of the day, she knew he was in this mess because of her, she also knew that he wasn’t fully blameless, she didn’t force him into anything, but if she had just left well enough alone…

Then maybe they both wouldn’t be feeling so empty right now.

“You were vulnerable and I knew that.” She admitted, feeling her heart crack as he nodded in agreement.

Kuroo sighed, a hand reaching up to scrub at his face, “We both messed up, I should have said no,” he murmured. The apology was clear in his eyes, and she felt her heart shatter even more.

There was more silence between them and she sighed.

There was just one thing she needed to know, “Were you happy?”

A soft sad smile crept onto his features, “As I could be,” he answered, each word was sincere, but she could hear the silent apology. She wished she could feel his arms around her one more time.

She ended the call, and finally let the tears flow.

She knew what he meant.

**_Remember when I pulled up  
And said "Get in the car"  
And then canceled my plans  
Just in case you'd call  
Back when I was living for the hope of it all  
(For the hope of it all)  
For the hope of it all  
For the hope of it all  
For the hope of it all  
For the hope of it all_ **

The night of the party she watched him walk down the familiar cobblestone towards your house, and the last of her hope finally left her. She watched as you opened the door, your eyes wide and surprised to see him there, there was a beat of silence and she saw Kuroo’s hands clench at his sides. You spoke to someone behind you before ushering Kuroo outside and closing the door behind yourself. It was only when she watched you take his hand and disappear behind the house that she turned around and began to walk home.

A weight fell on her chest as she blinked away her tears, she knew she needed to come to terms with things before Monday rolled around again, and as memories of moonlight kisses and warm summer nights played through her mind, she knew.

It was never going to be her.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 will be coming out soon, I hope lol 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and the comments, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this fic! <3
> 
> Comment and/or kudos if you feel like it!
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> Nova


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